It's interesting how we sometimes come to realize who we are through the most trying times in our lives. I always knew that there would always be room to grow and strengthen ourselves as we journey through this life. Maybe it's just me but I've always understood or thought that we do our most growing when we are surrounded by favorable circumstances. Think about it...We have so much to be grateful for. Life is good, we have the support from the ones that we love, we have all the necessities of life, material and emotional, and sometimes we have more than we need. We're happy, we're content, what more can we possibly ask for? You've worked hard to please everyone around you. And in my case, you've made so many emotional sacrifices to provide a stable home for your family. With your husband by your side and your children's smiling faces looking up to the both of you as you both emulate the true meaning of love through your example set in working through thick and thin, better or worse, sickness and health, and overcoming the many obstacles put in your way and remaining faithful to one another and forgiving each other for their shortcomings and mistakes.
Unfortunately there comes a time in our lives where we realize how wrong we were.
This realization has turned me into one of those crazy people that say "Bring On The Pain Baby!"
Ya, I know...tell me about. What a stupid thing to wish for! And beleive me, I do feel stupid for wishing for it especially when the pain brings me to my knees and the feeling of hopelessness and helplessness overwhelms me so much that I feel like throwing in the towel and calling it quits. But then a sudden rush of reassurance fills my soul. "I know you can do this" I hear the voice say. And I want so badly to respond "But why? Why can't the pain just go away? Why does it have to hurt so bad?" I find myself in this very situation often and as I feel the warmth of those magical arms embrace me with his love and hold me so close I can feel Him say to me, "I know it hurts Amanda, I know..." and He lets me burry my face in his hands and cry like a baby until the pain subsides enough for me to regain control of my emotions. Then the peace sets in and the pain disappears. It is then I realize where that agonizing pain I felt went to. He not only took that pain from me but He suffered for it too! It is at this moment I'm reminded of the significance His atoning sacrifice is in my life and how insignificant my suffering is to His.
Although I feel inadequate at times, I'm so very humbled that the Lord entrusts me to endure such difficult challenges and beleives in me enough to take the proper steps that will allow myself and others to grow from this rather than allowing it to bring me down and hold me back from my potential. He has not only given me the strength and resources to overcome but He also gives me the selfless incentive to overcome for the sake of others, more specifically my precious little angels, Tristen, Tanaya, Kahmea, and Kayleena, and my husband of almost 9 years, Joey.
I've had to learn not to weigh my happiness on their's but instead allow them to be a part of MY happiness.
I pray that I can stay the course and endure to the end. For I know the suffering, the pain, the frustration, and misery will be more than worth it in the end.
"My
daughter, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;" (D & C 121:7)
"And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if the fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combined to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my
daughter, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.
The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?
Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever." (Doctrine & Covenants 122:7-9)
