I have a lot of thoughts about this. So many that I could write a book. I often get labeled as the "oh she just feels that way cause her husband is black." Little does anybody know, the foundation of these thoughts started well before I married Joey. I remember very vividly approaching mom about rumors I heard about the preisthood ban in the 7th grade. With that said, this roots deeper than my marriage. It roots to the very core of who I am. Although I am bothered by such comments similar to BYU Professor Bott's, I am grateful, and hopeful that we as Latter-day Saints will take action and rid ourselves of such hurtful words and condescending attitudes. This way we can provide a more welcoming atmosphere to those who struggle with this disciminatory history of the church. And quite frankly, I am so tired of having the ONLY "different" husband in every congregation we have been a member of. We have to stop driving our diversity away but such ignorant comments. I pray for the day we have a truly diverse leadership. Its not cool when you have to carefully look over the tabernacle choir just so you can spot a "darker" person. However, I love my mom to peices when she calls me to say, "Mandy did you see that black guy in the choir?" I just love how much she cares to actually take the time and look. Always brings a smile to my face. She really is awesome:-) ( I miss you mom!)
Although more current prophets haven't officially repudiated such theories that attempt to explain the priesthood ban, they have indeed repeatedly claimed that "they don't know why it took place." Until we have an official answer from CURRENT prophets, the best thing you can say is "I don't know why it happened."
If you are unaware of what I am referring to, the following links are articles related to the incident. I'm sure you will run into more articles.
http://www.sistasinzion.com/2012/03/what-bott-black-mormons.html
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/faithbased/2012/03/mormon_church_and_racism_a_new_controversy_about_old_teachings_.html
Showing posts with label Spiritual. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Spiritual. Show all posts
Monday, March 5, 2012
Monday, October 10, 2011
Jane Elizabeth Manning James
Margaret Young--Co Author of the Trilogy of Black Pioneers share her testimony via facebook. I'm so bless to be able to be a part of such a wonderful group "Black Latter Day Saints". Testimonies around the world have strengthen mine as I struggle with the challenges I face often.
Jane Elizabeth Manning James: "My testimony in the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is as strong today--nay, it is if possible stronger than the day I was first baptized...I try in my feeble way to set a good example for all."
May we be good examples, as Jane was--of faith, perseverance, patience, love, charity, and strength. I add my testimony to hers. I make no demands on any church leader, realizing that they're doing the best they can. I have been privileged to count many as my friends and KNOW their concerns for any issue which would divide us from one another. I know that my Redeemer lives, and that through Him, all wrongs will be righted, and all every tear dried.
Jane Elizabeth Manning James: "My testimony in the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is as strong today--nay, it is if possible stronger than the day I was first baptized...I try in my feeble way to set a good example for all."
May we be good examples, as Jane was--of faith, perseverance, patience, love, charity, and strength. I add my testimony to hers. I make no demands on any church leader, realizing that they're doing the best they can. I have been privileged to count many as my friends and KNOW their concerns for any issue which would divide us from one another. I know that my Redeemer lives, and that through Him, all wrongs will be righted, and all every tear dried.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Time!
Where does time go? We all hear it gets worse the older you get but HOLY COW!!!!! Summer is just about come and gone! Two more weeks before I go back to work and I haven't even been able to breathe let alone journalize the family fun this summer. I struggle with life's daily battles constantly as most of us do. Through it all I diligently try to keep a smile on my face. I am happy by all means, it's just those little things that constantly pull at me. As I try to resist pushing others to do things I think they should do I sometimes fail and burst out with frustration. Not because I want things my way, but because I KNOW in my heart it is the right way, the best way, and the only way to please my Heavenly Father. But I'm often reminded to back off, let go and let the Lord take it from here. Patience is key during these times and unfortunately I have a lot of patience to learn still. Time is precious to me and I fear that I may regret not using my time towards the things that are more important and sometimes intervene and criticize the time of others. My children need everything I got and I desire so badly to give them more of my time, more of my heart, more of my knowledge. But in doing so I need time for myself to enhance the beauty of my heart and increase my knowledge to better lead them on the right path. Managing the needs of my time still deems to be a tricky task. But all in all......I can never give too much of my time to my babies. They need every bit I can give them. I only pray that the example that I try to set for them is Christ-like and pleasing to my Heavenly Father.
Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established. Proverbs 16:3
If I committ whatever I do to the Lord, my plans will succeed, my heart will be full, and my life at peace. Obtaining peace in my life will always be a struggle, but it is through these struggles I find strength in the Lord.
Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established. Proverbs 16:3
If I committ whatever I do to the Lord, my plans will succeed, my heart will be full, and my life at peace. Obtaining peace in my life will always be a struggle, but it is through these struggles I find strength in the Lord.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Don't Throw it Away!!
A few months ago Joey came home with a little book some people passed to him as he was strolling downtown Stuttgart. As he walked in the door he headed straight for the trash. But as he approached the trash he froze and looked at me. “I just can’t do it” he said. “Do what?” I replied. “Throw this away.” “What is it?” I asked. “It’s a book some JW’s gave me while I was downtown. I tried to tell them I couldn’t read it because I only spoke English so they pulled out one in English.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. Sounds like Mormon Missionaries to me! I told him to give it to me because I’d like to read it. This very moment made me reflect on our own faith. How many Book of Mormons have our missionaries generously given out only to be tossed in the trash? A beautiful collection of the words of our miraculous God just thrown to the wayside and destroyed. We as members of the church are animate in sharing our beliefs with others not of our faith but we are always hesitant to learn of another’s faith. How many books and pamphlets have we thrown in the trash without even taking a glance at them simply because they were not of LDS content? I am ashamed to say that I am guilty of this.
President Hinckley once said “I say this to other people: you develop all the good you can. We have no animosity toward any other church. We do not oppose other churches. We never speak negatively of other churches. We say to people: you bring all the good that you have, and let us see if we can add to it.”
We as Latter-day Saints are quick to block out the words of another faith and reject it against our own. But is this following the words of our prophets? We must be open to the goodness of other Christian faiths. Welcome their thoughts and beliefs into our own personal lives and “add to it” with ours. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a book or a pamphlet of another faith sitting in our library. There is nothing wrong with having a different translation of the bible other than the standard works sitting in our library. There is nothing wrong with having the Koran sitting in our library. They all preach of God and his works. They all bring a different perspective and expand our knowledge and strengthen our testimonies and relationship with him.
We Mormon’s are all too often misunderstood. We are viewed as different and not always a “good” different. We often have difficulty understanding how so many can reject such a beautiful message. But the answer is simple. We don’t understand them as they don’t understand us. If we want others to be receptive to our message we MUST be receptive of theirs. We must be willing to listen and study their message if we expect them to listen and study ours. And the more homework we do on our own, the more prepared we are when we are given the opportunity to share our message. Not only does learning of another faith widen our perspective and allow us to better understand anothers hesitation to learn of ours, but it also enables us to be more effective missionaries in Christ through increasing our knowledge of him. We are all God’s children and we all deserve to be understood. My children will be raised as faithful Latter-day Saints, but I will not hesitate to teach of the goodness of other faiths. They will know and understand and even visit other congregations. They will be efficient in knowledge when they are presented with opportunities to share this wonderful message of the Book of Mormon. And I will enrich my library with works of all faiths and doctrines to enhance my home to be a home of great faith through God and Christ. Anything preaching of God or Christ is welcome in my home. I am proud of my LDS-Christian heritage and I’m forever grateful to two amazing parents that instilled in me the truths of the gospel.
I couldn’t help but laugh. Sounds like Mormon Missionaries to me! I told him to give it to me because I’d like to read it. This very moment made me reflect on our own faith. How many Book of Mormons have our missionaries generously given out only to be tossed in the trash? A beautiful collection of the words of our miraculous God just thrown to the wayside and destroyed. We as members of the church are animate in sharing our beliefs with others not of our faith but we are always hesitant to learn of another’s faith. How many books and pamphlets have we thrown in the trash without even taking a glance at them simply because they were not of LDS content? I am ashamed to say that I am guilty of this.
President Hinckley once said “I say this to other people: you develop all the good you can. We have no animosity toward any other church. We do not oppose other churches. We never speak negatively of other churches. We say to people: you bring all the good that you have, and let us see if we can add to it.”
We as Latter-day Saints are quick to block out the words of another faith and reject it against our own. But is this following the words of our prophets? We must be open to the goodness of other Christian faiths. Welcome their thoughts and beliefs into our own personal lives and “add to it” with ours. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a book or a pamphlet of another faith sitting in our library. There is nothing wrong with having a different translation of the bible other than the standard works sitting in our library. There is nothing wrong with having the Koran sitting in our library. They all preach of God and his works. They all bring a different perspective and expand our knowledge and strengthen our testimonies and relationship with him.
We Mormon’s are all too often misunderstood. We are viewed as different and not always a “good” different. We often have difficulty understanding how so many can reject such a beautiful message. But the answer is simple. We don’t understand them as they don’t understand us. If we want others to be receptive to our message we MUST be receptive of theirs. We must be willing to listen and study their message if we expect them to listen and study ours. And the more homework we do on our own, the more prepared we are when we are given the opportunity to share our message. Not only does learning of another faith widen our perspective and allow us to better understand anothers hesitation to learn of ours, but it also enables us to be more effective missionaries in Christ through increasing our knowledge of him. We are all God’s children and we all deserve to be understood. My children will be raised as faithful Latter-day Saints, but I will not hesitate to teach of the goodness of other faiths. They will know and understand and even visit other congregations. They will be efficient in knowledge when they are presented with opportunities to share this wonderful message of the Book of Mormon. And I will enrich my library with works of all faiths and doctrines to enhance my home to be a home of great faith through God and Christ. Anything preaching of God or Christ is welcome in my home. I am proud of my LDS-Christian heritage and I’m forever grateful to two amazing parents that instilled in me the truths of the gospel.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Busy, Tired, & Exhausted!
Between school, motherhood and the new job I've been swamped with the everyday chaos! I can't even beleive I've found time to get my rear end on here. Whew!
Amidst all the chaos and business of life I've had blissful moments of reflections and appreciation. It's almost been a year since I officially arrived here in Germany. It was a cold, harsh, icky winter but the beauty of spring has finally greeted us. I love the accessibility I have living in downtown Stuttgart. A stroll to the city park is just a few blocks away. The kids are always begging me to go downtown to play or just play at a park. Mommy's busy I promise we will soon. I think I've been saying those very words for the last several months. Tanaya made sure I knew that "I always say that". I then realized how little time I have with my babies. I keep telling myself that as soon as I finish school, or as soon as I catch up with housework that I'll have more time to do those little things with them. So I ditched my homework and housework and raced them outside to the park. We played tag and red light green light. We had a blast! I loved every bit of it.
Satan is so good at rationalizing the time we take away from our children. The less time we give to them...the more time he has to deceive them. I'm thankful for these teaching moments. The joy on their faces were priceless. Many more fun adventures to come!
Amidst all the chaos and business of life I've had blissful moments of reflections and appreciation. It's almost been a year since I officially arrived here in Germany. It was a cold, harsh, icky winter but the beauty of spring has finally greeted us. I love the accessibility I have living in downtown Stuttgart. A stroll to the city park is just a few blocks away. The kids are always begging me to go downtown to play or just play at a park. Mommy's busy I promise we will soon. I think I've been saying those very words for the last several months. Tanaya made sure I knew that "I always say that". I then realized how little time I have with my babies. I keep telling myself that as soon as I finish school, or as soon as I catch up with housework that I'll have more time to do those little things with them. So I ditched my homework and housework and raced them outside to the park. We played tag and red light green light. We had a blast! I loved every bit of it.
Satan is so good at rationalizing the time we take away from our children. The less time we give to them...the more time he has to deceive them. I'm thankful for these teaching moments. The joy on their faces were priceless. Many more fun adventures to come!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Surely I'd kiss a girl?
Would I kiss a girl for a million dollars? Most people wouldn’t hesitate to say yes. But I guess I’m just not like most people. My answer was immediately NO! But some were sure I would reconsider or at least have some form of hesitation with the cohersion that followed and “if it was sitting right here in front of you” bologna. Surely 10 million dollars would change my mind….
Seriously People!?!?! I didn’t realize how readily and willing people are willing to give up their self-respect for money. Call me naïve but I guess I just have a little more faith in people. But unfortunately I have more faith in them then they do for themselves. I am not perfect by any means, in fact I’m far from it and constantly struggle in deciphering between right and wrong in my daily decisions every day. But I know one thing for sure…My integrity, my values, my virtue and self-worth are all qualities and gifts from my gracious Father in heaven. He instilled in all of us these things because He loves us and because they are vital in our journey to return to live with him in complete peace and happiness. My integrity and values are simply not for sale. They are mine…gifts from God that I treasure dearly. Gifts from God that represent His love for me. God’s love holds limitless value in my life and it is my duty as a wife, mother, and daughter of God to hold these things close to my heart and share them with those around me. These very things are the very makeup of my soul. Priceless treasures that I simply will not sell. For my soul is not for sale.
“God forbid that I should justify you: till I die I will not remove mine integrity from me” Job 27:5
I pray that I will remain faithful to my convictions. I pray that money will never be a motivating factor that causes me to make a decision I clearly know is wrong and not of God. He is my strength, He is my joy, and He is my peace. He’s my lifeline and I live by His words For Time and All Eternity.
Seriously People!?!?! I didn’t realize how readily and willing people are willing to give up their self-respect for money. Call me naïve but I guess I just have a little more faith in people. But unfortunately I have more faith in them then they do for themselves. I am not perfect by any means, in fact I’m far from it and constantly struggle in deciphering between right and wrong in my daily decisions every day. But I know one thing for sure…My integrity, my values, my virtue and self-worth are all qualities and gifts from my gracious Father in heaven. He instilled in all of us these things because He loves us and because they are vital in our journey to return to live with him in complete peace and happiness. My integrity and values are simply not for sale. They are mine…gifts from God that I treasure dearly. Gifts from God that represent His love for me. God’s love holds limitless value in my life and it is my duty as a wife, mother, and daughter of God to hold these things close to my heart and share them with those around me. These very things are the very makeup of my soul. Priceless treasures that I simply will not sell. For my soul is not for sale.
“God forbid that I should justify you: till I die I will not remove mine integrity from me” Job 27:5
I pray that I will remain faithful to my convictions. I pray that money will never be a motivating factor that causes me to make a decision I clearly know is wrong and not of God. He is my strength, He is my joy, and He is my peace. He’s my lifeline and I live by His words For Time and All Eternity.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Finding Peace
Holiday rush is over and the kids are back in school. Now for a day at the spa with a nice massage and pampering! Not!!!! Life still moves faster than I can think. Not only are the kids back in school, so am I. That paper that is due this week keeps getting closer and closer. Before I know it its going to slap me in the face. And then the next class starts and I start my new job. Not to mention the numerous tasks and unfinished projects I've created for myself at home. Why do I sense that this blog post is going to turn into a venting scene?
As I try to live a life of peace and overcome the many challenges that comes with being a wife, a mother, a daughter, or a human being for that matter...I find myself wrapped up in everyone elses life but my own. I'm trying to find ways to manipulate my husband to doing the things I think he should without even realizing it. I know I have to let him live his life. But what about our life together? How do you find that balance of creating peace in your marriage without overwhelming your spouse with the many desires you have? That balance has been tricky and very hard for me to maintain. I become so obsessed with what he's doing when I need to refocus my attention to what I am doing.
I'm hard at work studying at the computer and all I hear is MaMa! MaMa! MaMa!--so and so isn't cleaning and so and so hit me. What was my paper about again? And the thought process starts all over....again, and again, and again.....next thing I know my paper is due that very same day and I'm still working on it.
The never ending laundry, the bottomless sink of dishes, the floors that don't mop themselves, the cupboards that don't seem to stay clean, the fridge that needs to be cleaned again, my homework, kids homework, etc, etc, etc......
And yet many still devalue the role and accomplishments of a stay-at-home mother.
I know the Lord will strengthen me. I know I can rise above all challenges in my life. It's these low moments in my life that I'm reminded of who I am and the power I hold within. I'm so blessed to have such great children and a husband that is patient with my shortcomings. I'm thankful for knowledge and wisdom. I'm thankful for humility that I can be teachable. But most of all I'm thankful for prayer. There's never a busy tone and He's always there to listen, comfort and instruct. It is through prayer that I can create miracles with the master of miracles himself!
As I try to live a life of peace and overcome the many challenges that comes with being a wife, a mother, a daughter, or a human being for that matter...I find myself wrapped up in everyone elses life but my own. I'm trying to find ways to manipulate my husband to doing the things I think he should without even realizing it. I know I have to let him live his life. But what about our life together? How do you find that balance of creating peace in your marriage without overwhelming your spouse with the many desires you have? That balance has been tricky and very hard for me to maintain. I become so obsessed with what he's doing when I need to refocus my attention to what I am doing.
I'm hard at work studying at the computer and all I hear is MaMa! MaMa! MaMa!--so and so isn't cleaning and so and so hit me. What was my paper about again? And the thought process starts all over....again, and again, and again.....next thing I know my paper is due that very same day and I'm still working on it.
The never ending laundry, the bottomless sink of dishes, the floors that don't mop themselves, the cupboards that don't seem to stay clean, the fridge that needs to be cleaned again, my homework, kids homework, etc, etc, etc......
And yet many still devalue the role and accomplishments of a stay-at-home mother.
I know the Lord will strengthen me. I know I can rise above all challenges in my life. It's these low moments in my life that I'm reminded of who I am and the power I hold within. I'm so blessed to have such great children and a husband that is patient with my shortcomings. I'm thankful for knowledge and wisdom. I'm thankful for humility that I can be teachable. But most of all I'm thankful for prayer. There's never a busy tone and He's always there to listen, comfort and instruct. It is through prayer that I can create miracles with the master of miracles himself!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
God Sends Text Messages?
Funny thing happened today. I’ve been slowly introducing LeeLee to the potty and I was so excited when she did her first poop in the potty that I had to text Joey so he could celebrate with me in our step closer to ending the diaper bill. Honestly I didn’t expect a response at all as he’s usually too busy at work to even think about what happens at home. But to my surprise he took a few moments to share my excitement (whether he was really excited about it or not). But the text I received was “Elohim”
Weird I thought…..then shortly after came the intended text he was trying to send, “WooHoo!” Joey then clarified that Elohim was the result of auto correction on the iPhone. But I couldn’t just think of it as a fluke. I wondered what hidden message was behind Him autocorrecting Joey’s response. But then I realized that God’s messages are not hidden from us. We hide them from ourselves. And moments like these I just can’t ignore. I’m not sure what this little message meant but I am sure of one thing. God is with us always! Even when He’s the last thing on our mind. And who knows….maybe that was the very message He was trying to get across. That He is with us! I’m so very grateful for this small but very significant experience. It has reminded not only of who I am, but the role He has played in my marriage, in my family and in my life. It is through Him and His Son that I find peace and happiness with my children, my marriage, and all life situations good and bad.
What I find even more intriguing is what the expression WooHoo autocorrected into. How appropriate is that! Give praise to our King and believe! Though God all things are possible. If we give all the glory to Him, all will be well with us. So I’m giving a WooHoo to my God and King! What a magnificent God we have….he even sends text messages! How cool is that! I wonder if he has an iPhone…LOL
Weird I thought…..then shortly after came the intended text he was trying to send, “WooHoo!” Joey then clarified that Elohim was the result of auto correction on the iPhone. But I couldn’t just think of it as a fluke. I wondered what hidden message was behind Him autocorrecting Joey’s response. But then I realized that God’s messages are not hidden from us. We hide them from ourselves. And moments like these I just can’t ignore. I’m not sure what this little message meant but I am sure of one thing. God is with us always! Even when He’s the last thing on our mind. And who knows….maybe that was the very message He was trying to get across. That He is with us! I’m so very grateful for this small but very significant experience. It has reminded not only of who I am, but the role He has played in my marriage, in my family and in my life. It is through Him and His Son that I find peace and happiness with my children, my marriage, and all life situations good and bad.
What I find even more intriguing is what the expression WooHoo autocorrected into. How appropriate is that! Give praise to our King and believe! Though God all things are possible. If we give all the glory to Him, all will be well with us. So I’m giving a WooHoo to my God and King! What a magnificent God we have….he even sends text messages! How cool is that! I wonder if he has an iPhone…LOL
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
ReDo
How many of us wish we had the opportunity for a redo? Or in my case, make that plural. I have so many redo’s that sometimes haunt me to no end. What I find even more annoying is the redo’s that require more than one redo. You know those mistakes you find yourself doing again even after you supposedly learned your lesson. If I knew then what I know now I could make things so much better and my life would be fixed. But that is exactly the point. I wouldn’t know what I know now if it weren’t for my struggles and challenges that I’ve had to face. But even with this knowledge there are times I still find myself wishing for a redo.
What is a redo anyway? I googled it—to revise or reconstruct; to make new. At this moment I realized the many redo’s I’ve been given already, and more importantly, the many more redo’s available to me now and for the rest of my life. Christ has already paid the price for my stupidity and it is through His atonement that He offers us limitless redo’s to make ourselves whole again. What an amazing gift! And what a miraculous God.
It is when I’m on my knees that I’m experiencing a redo. It is when those little arms of my babies wrap around my neck that I’m experiencing a redo. It is those three words “I love you” from the lips of my husband that I’m experiencing a redo. It is a long warming chat with my parents that I’m experiencing a redo. For I know in more ways than one I’ve hurt or offended those close to my heart. And in more ways than one I wish to erase all the negative history that sometimes haunts me and my relationships with them. But if I erase it then I’ve learned nothing. I remain the same…unlearned and unstrengthened. Let’s take my cooking for example. Some things I cook very well even from the first few times I made them. Other things however, have taken me a little longer to master. Joey can attest that there are many recipes of mine that have required a numerous amount of redo’s. Some have even taken me years to have them consistently turn out well. With that said, I am humbled that the Lord would entrust me with the many challenges I’ve had to overcome. He wouldn’t have allowed them to come my way if he didn’t think I was strong enough to get through them. I’m aware that there is more challenges to come. I desire to be strengthened and to increase my knowledge of Him. And with this desire He will allow me to be teste in order to overcome and be worthy to live in His presence again. He wants me to know Him, and it is through my struggles that I can better understand Him. As Paul the Apostle said, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Phillipians 4:13).
What is a redo anyway? I googled it—to revise or reconstruct; to make new. At this moment I realized the many redo’s I’ve been given already, and more importantly, the many more redo’s available to me now and for the rest of my life. Christ has already paid the price for my stupidity and it is through His atonement that He offers us limitless redo’s to make ourselves whole again. What an amazing gift! And what a miraculous God.
It is when I’m on my knees that I’m experiencing a redo. It is when those little arms of my babies wrap around my neck that I’m experiencing a redo. It is those three words “I love you” from the lips of my husband that I’m experiencing a redo. It is a long warming chat with my parents that I’m experiencing a redo. For I know in more ways than one I’ve hurt or offended those close to my heart. And in more ways than one I wish to erase all the negative history that sometimes haunts me and my relationships with them. But if I erase it then I’ve learned nothing. I remain the same…unlearned and unstrengthened. Let’s take my cooking for example. Some things I cook very well even from the first few times I made them. Other things however, have taken me a little longer to master. Joey can attest that there are many recipes of mine that have required a numerous amount of redo’s. Some have even taken me years to have them consistently turn out well. With that said, I am humbled that the Lord would entrust me with the many challenges I’ve had to overcome. He wouldn’t have allowed them to come my way if he didn’t think I was strong enough to get through them. I’m aware that there is more challenges to come. I desire to be strengthened and to increase my knowledge of Him. And with this desire He will allow me to be teste in order to overcome and be worthy to live in His presence again. He wants me to know Him, and it is through my struggles that I can better understand Him. As Paul the Apostle said, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Phillipians 4:13).
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Power of Christ
It’s so easy to lose sight of what REALLY works for us in our lives. We often get caught up with life and the daily stresses it tends to greet us with and we try to battle through them alone. We forget that we have a power within us that conquers all of life’s battles. That is the power of Christ! We can’t do it without Him.
Wait…I stand corrected….
We can do it without him, but we can’t do it successfully without Him. This power within us is taken for granted all too often. Many of us don’t want to be dependent on anything and take on the world alone to prove our independence and in the end we are empty handed. What we don’t realize is that we are already dependent on Christ. It is through Him that we find our true strengths. It is through Him that we are able to return to our Heavenly Father. It is through Him and only Him that we are free from the bonds of life and find true and everlasting happiness. Any other form of happiness is short-lived and is accompanied with some sort of undesired consequence.
While we are enduring hardship and suffering we often question the whereabouts of our Savior in our lives and the blessings he supposed to shower us with. It is during these times we must open our blinded eyes and embrace this concept of dependency on Christ. He wants to help, He wants to bless us. But we must submit ourselves to him and forfeit our worldly desires and replace them with the desire to serve Him. We can’t call the shots. We have to allow him to call the shots. “I’ll do whatever you want me to Lord but I just can’t do this.” You are not truly willing to do whatever it takes if you set guidelines to accommodate your desires. If you can’t rid yourself of any resistance in your heart then you are not willing to serve Him.
The Lord never leaves our side. If we can just turn to the right direction we will find Him there waiting.
“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13).
Wait…I stand corrected….
We can do it without him, but we can’t do it successfully without Him. This power within us is taken for granted all too often. Many of us don’t want to be dependent on anything and take on the world alone to prove our independence and in the end we are empty handed. What we don’t realize is that we are already dependent on Christ. It is through Him that we find our true strengths. It is through Him that we are able to return to our Heavenly Father. It is through Him and only Him that we are free from the bonds of life and find true and everlasting happiness. Any other form of happiness is short-lived and is accompanied with some sort of undesired consequence.
While we are enduring hardship and suffering we often question the whereabouts of our Savior in our lives and the blessings he supposed to shower us with. It is during these times we must open our blinded eyes and embrace this concept of dependency on Christ. He wants to help, He wants to bless us. But we must submit ourselves to him and forfeit our worldly desires and replace them with the desire to serve Him. We can’t call the shots. We have to allow him to call the shots. “I’ll do whatever you want me to Lord but I just can’t do this.” You are not truly willing to do whatever it takes if you set guidelines to accommodate your desires. If you can’t rid yourself of any resistance in your heart then you are not willing to serve Him.
The Lord never leaves our side. If we can just turn to the right direction we will find Him there waiting.
“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13).
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Pocket Full of Crap!
Did I just say that?
It's no secret that the this most recent separation took its tole on our family. It was emotionally draining to say the least. During this time I realized how poisonous anger and selfishness is. How it can so easily consume even the strongest individuals.
Through this very difficult time I learned to look at life as a beautiful journey that gives us crap just so we can turn it into roses.
God is a magical being. And if are created in his image then we have every reason to believe we are the same. We are magical and can work miracles just like Him. It is through us he works his miracles. He gives us a miracle to be worked, but it is only us that can actually work the miracle.
Joey gave me a butt load of crap! And I'm sure I gave him some too :) But what I did with the stinky poop was my decision. I took that crap and fertilized the love inside of me. What are you going to fertilize with your piles of crap life hands you?
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Choices Choices
It’s amazing how much power we have over our own lives even in the most troubling and difficult times when challenges overwhelm us to the point to where we feel things are just beyond our control. Sure we can’t control what others do to us or against us, but we are very much in control of how we react to them. Sometimes some of the things others can do to us can be devastating and it is justified by many by acting bitterly with the hurt and sorrow they’ve caused you. So you turn your back to them, wish them luck in their choices, and continue life without them without any intention of reconciliation. You have been victimized. You’ve tried so hard to please those around you and you simply don’t deserve this. You feel that you have no choice in the matter. There’s just nothing you can do anymore.
I have been fortunate to learn a completely different perspective in dealing with the most devastating circumstances. And I have learned this through none other than the Lord Himself. By turning to Him in my most troubling times I’ve allowed myself to be humbled, teachable, and to be able to forgive my offenders regardless of the offense. I’ve really tried to look at others from HIS perspective rather than my own. It is my goal to make His perspective my own perspective. It is why we are here right? To become more like Him? If we limit ourselves by saying, “I’m not Christ. He is perfect and I am not,” you are justifying your imperfections rather than trying to perfect them and become more like Him.
When you make a mistake, have you ever really contemplated about the thoughts of our Heavenly Father. When you turn to Him does He say, “Well if you would’ve just listened to me in the first place.” Does he respond negatively with hurt and bitterness towards us because we have offended Him? Of course not. It is in these moments He not only extends His arms to us, but he embraces us with His warm unconditional love and holds us close to his heart.
When I’ve experienced troubling times in my marriage I’ve heard others tell me that I deserve better. But what was frustrating about that statement is that I know I deserved better. But I deserved better from the love of my life and none other. Seeking out a replacement wasn’t fixing the problem. I had to realize that I wasn’t a victim when I had free will to choose my attitude. I could choose to be a victim or I could choose to hold my head up and love life and love my spouse. It was the commitment I made when I married him wasn’t it? For better for worse, through thick and thin etcetera etcetera. I knew my husband’s heart and I’ve seen the beautiful way he has treated me before, why must I think he can’t treat just as beautiful now.
Choices…life is all about choices. We can choose to love, we can choose to hate, we can choose to be bitter and resentful, or we can choose to be kind and loving. We can choose to be offended, to be a victim in our circumstances, or we can choose to think positively and keep a smile on our face through it all. I choose to have faith and I choose to believe! I choose to love and be kind! I choose my amazing husband (despite his imperfections) and most of all, I choose our most gracious Father in Heaven. So as Joseph B Wirthlin Said, “Come what may and love it!”
I have been fortunate to learn a completely different perspective in dealing with the most devastating circumstances. And I have learned this through none other than the Lord Himself. By turning to Him in my most troubling times I’ve allowed myself to be humbled, teachable, and to be able to forgive my offenders regardless of the offense. I’ve really tried to look at others from HIS perspective rather than my own. It is my goal to make His perspective my own perspective. It is why we are here right? To become more like Him? If we limit ourselves by saying, “I’m not Christ. He is perfect and I am not,” you are justifying your imperfections rather than trying to perfect them and become more like Him.
When you make a mistake, have you ever really contemplated about the thoughts of our Heavenly Father. When you turn to Him does He say, “Well if you would’ve just listened to me in the first place.” Does he respond negatively with hurt and bitterness towards us because we have offended Him? Of course not. It is in these moments He not only extends His arms to us, but he embraces us with His warm unconditional love and holds us close to his heart.
When I’ve experienced troubling times in my marriage I’ve heard others tell me that I deserve better. But what was frustrating about that statement is that I know I deserved better. But I deserved better from the love of my life and none other. Seeking out a replacement wasn’t fixing the problem. I had to realize that I wasn’t a victim when I had free will to choose my attitude. I could choose to be a victim or I could choose to hold my head up and love life and love my spouse. It was the commitment I made when I married him wasn’t it? For better for worse, through thick and thin etcetera etcetera. I knew my husband’s heart and I’ve seen the beautiful way he has treated me before, why must I think he can’t treat just as beautiful now.
Choices…life is all about choices. We can choose to love, we can choose to hate, we can choose to be bitter and resentful, or we can choose to be kind and loving. We can choose to be offended, to be a victim in our circumstances, or we can choose to think positively and keep a smile on our face through it all. I choose to have faith and I choose to believe! I choose to love and be kind! I choose my amazing husband (despite his imperfections) and most of all, I choose our most gracious Father in Heaven. So as Joseph B Wirthlin Said, “Come what may and love it!”
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Seriously?
I heard someone say today "Life is about money."
When I heard this I was speechless as it came from a very intelligent source. I do agree that money is a necesity in life by means of meeting the "basic" needs of survival but I hesitate to give money too much credit. Is life really all about money?
In my first year of marriage Joey and I had a clunker. As soon as we got the car things were wrong with it. Ya it sucked but we were positive about it and were grateful that we even had a car at all. I remember when Joey was getting ready to walk 3 miles in the seattle rain to the auto store to buy an alternator so he could get to work the next day. I was about 7 1/2 months pregnant with our first child. Poor guy I thought to myself. I wish I could do something to help fix this like get us a more dependable car. But I knew this wasn't an option. So as he was grabbing his rain coat I got up and gabbed his extra one and slipped it over my big belly and pulled on the hood. I remember when he asked me what I was doing and the smile on his face when I said, "I'm going with you!" I couldn't get him a new dependable car but I knew I could give him my love and support and I wanted to be there right beside him through it all. That was one crappy walk but we did it together. I can share with you many more similar stories we had like when he had to ride his bike to work and I had to walk to work because our "newer" car, that was suposed to be dependable, the good ol' taurus kept breaking down on us. We walked to the PX together to buy new tubes for our lovely yellow 10 speeder. These are just a few of those memories.
While we were going through these times we wished we had the money to compensate for our sacrifices that we had to make but now look back on those times and say "remember when....". We worked together when we made less money, we were grateful to just have eachother, to have friends to assist with rides when needed. We didn't let our pride to get in the way and accepted help when we needed it. God was mindful of us and placed the right people at the right time in our lives to help us and assist us. And although we didn't realize it then, I can now look back on this and see the many miracles God gaves us. Walking to work all through my entire second pregnancy with a solid hefty 2-year-old on my hip is a daughnting thing to even think about. But I did it. Joey riding his bright yellow 10-speeder was embarrassing but he did it! But the most important thing is that we didn't do it alone. God was carrying us through it the entire time!
Now we've more than trippled our income. More money! Woo Hoo! Financial Freedom! Or so we thought...
So is life really about money?
My thoughts say, "Nuh Uh, No Way, Absolutely Not!" Yes, money is a necessity when it comes to the means of survival. But doesn't more money bring happiness? Not in my experience. It has brought more problems, more chaos, more debt, more greed, more wants, more heartache, and some more wants, and some more heartache. Money does not control our happiness, We control our happiness no matter how hard life seems to be! Period! Now some of you may question me by suggesting that I just havn't had it rough enough. Have you lived in my shoes?
Money is good and brings many blessings and freedom. But if we say things like "Life is all about money" then it can be assumed that money controls that person. And I sincerely feel sorry for them.
Life is about living! Life is about loving! Life is about giving thanks to the Lord for all that we have and sharing our happiness with those that are dear to us. Faith is a powerful attibute...and with the works to support our faith, the Lord will do more than suppliment with the necessities of life, like money. Those that were blessed with the riches of the world in the scriptures did not rely on these riches. They relied on the Lord and the Lord provided.
I STAND FIRM IN MY BELIEF AND WILL WAVER NOT! Again, Life is about living, life is about loving, life is about my husband and four beautiful children. I give everything I got to the man upstairs because I KNOW with all my heart He will provide for me. He works miracles for each and everyone of us every single day. I only hope we can all open our eyes and enjoy the power of these miracles. No other way can peace fill our souls.
When I heard this I was speechless as it came from a very intelligent source. I do agree that money is a necesity in life by means of meeting the "basic" needs of survival but I hesitate to give money too much credit. Is life really all about money?
In my first year of marriage Joey and I had a clunker. As soon as we got the car things were wrong with it. Ya it sucked but we were positive about it and were grateful that we even had a car at all. I remember when Joey was getting ready to walk 3 miles in the seattle rain to the auto store to buy an alternator so he could get to work the next day. I was about 7 1/2 months pregnant with our first child. Poor guy I thought to myself. I wish I could do something to help fix this like get us a more dependable car. But I knew this wasn't an option. So as he was grabbing his rain coat I got up and gabbed his extra one and slipped it over my big belly and pulled on the hood. I remember when he asked me what I was doing and the smile on his face when I said, "I'm going with you!" I couldn't get him a new dependable car but I knew I could give him my love and support and I wanted to be there right beside him through it all. That was one crappy walk but we did it together. I can share with you many more similar stories we had like when he had to ride his bike to work and I had to walk to work because our "newer" car, that was suposed to be dependable, the good ol' taurus kept breaking down on us. We walked to the PX together to buy new tubes for our lovely yellow 10 speeder. These are just a few of those memories.
While we were going through these times we wished we had the money to compensate for our sacrifices that we had to make but now look back on those times and say "remember when....". We worked together when we made less money, we were grateful to just have eachother, to have friends to assist with rides when needed. We didn't let our pride to get in the way and accepted help when we needed it. God was mindful of us and placed the right people at the right time in our lives to help us and assist us. And although we didn't realize it then, I can now look back on this and see the many miracles God gaves us. Walking to work all through my entire second pregnancy with a solid hefty 2-year-old on my hip is a daughnting thing to even think about. But I did it. Joey riding his bright yellow 10-speeder was embarrassing but he did it! But the most important thing is that we didn't do it alone. God was carrying us through it the entire time!
Now we've more than trippled our income. More money! Woo Hoo! Financial Freedom! Or so we thought...
So is life really about money?
My thoughts say, "Nuh Uh, No Way, Absolutely Not!" Yes, money is a necessity when it comes to the means of survival. But doesn't more money bring happiness? Not in my experience. It has brought more problems, more chaos, more debt, more greed, more wants, more heartache, and some more wants, and some more heartache. Money does not control our happiness, We control our happiness no matter how hard life seems to be! Period! Now some of you may question me by suggesting that I just havn't had it rough enough. Have you lived in my shoes?
Money is good and brings many blessings and freedom. But if we say things like "Life is all about money" then it can be assumed that money controls that person. And I sincerely feel sorry for them.
Life is about living! Life is about loving! Life is about giving thanks to the Lord for all that we have and sharing our happiness with those that are dear to us. Faith is a powerful attibute...and with the works to support our faith, the Lord will do more than suppliment with the necessities of life, like money. Those that were blessed with the riches of the world in the scriptures did not rely on these riches. They relied on the Lord and the Lord provided.
I STAND FIRM IN MY BELIEF AND WILL WAVER NOT! Again, Life is about living, life is about loving, life is about my husband and four beautiful children. I give everything I got to the man upstairs because I KNOW with all my heart He will provide for me. He works miracles for each and everyone of us every single day. I only hope we can all open our eyes and enjoy the power of these miracles. No other way can peace fill our souls.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Real Woman
Wanna please wanna keep wanna treat your woman right
Not just told but to show that you know she is worth your time
You will lose if you choose to refuse to put her first
She will if she can't find a man who knows her worth,
Cuz a real man knows a real woman when he sees her
And a real woman knows a real man ain't afraid to please her
And a real woman knows a real man always comes first
And a real man just can't deny a woman's worth
Not just told but to show that you know she is worth your time
You will lose if you choose to refuse to put her first
She will if she can't find a man who knows her worth,
Cuz a real man knows a real woman when he sees her
And a real woman knows a real man ain't afraid to please her
And a real woman knows a real man always comes first
And a real man just can't deny a woman's worth
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Finding Myself!
It's interesting how we sometimes come to realize who we are through the most trying times in our lives. I always knew that there would always be room to grow and strengthen ourselves as we journey through this life. Maybe it's just me but I've always understood or thought that we do our most growing when we are surrounded by favorable circumstances. Think about it...We have so much to be grateful for. Life is good, we have the support from the ones that we love, we have all the necessities of life, material and emotional, and sometimes we have more than we need. We're happy, we're content, what more can we possibly ask for? You've worked hard to please everyone around you. And in my case, you've made so many emotional sacrifices to provide a stable home for your family. With your husband by your side and your children's smiling faces looking up to the both of you as you both emulate the true meaning of love through your example set in working through thick and thin, better or worse, sickness and health, and overcoming the many obstacles put in your way and remaining faithful to one another and forgiving each other for their shortcomings and mistakes.
Unfortunately there comes a time in our lives where we realize how wrong we were.
This realization has turned me into one of those crazy people that say "Bring On The Pain Baby!"
Ya, I know...tell me about. What a stupid thing to wish for! And beleive me, I do feel stupid for wishing for it especially when the pain brings me to my knees and the feeling of hopelessness and helplessness overwhelms me so much that I feel like throwing in the towel and calling it quits. But then a sudden rush of reassurance fills my soul. "I know you can do this" I hear the voice say. And I want so badly to respond "But why? Why can't the pain just go away? Why does it have to hurt so bad?" I find myself in this very situation often and as I feel the warmth of those magical arms embrace me with his love and hold me so close I can feel Him say to me, "I know it hurts Amanda, I know..." and He lets me burry my face in his hands and cry like a baby until the pain subsides enough for me to regain control of my emotions. Then the peace sets in and the pain disappears. It is then I realize where that agonizing pain I felt went to. He not only took that pain from me but He suffered for it too! It is at this moment I'm reminded of the significance His atoning sacrifice is in my life and how insignificant my suffering is to His.
Although I feel inadequate at times, I'm so very humbled that the Lord entrusts me to endure such difficult challenges and beleives in me enough to take the proper steps that will allow myself and others to grow from this rather than allowing it to bring me down and hold me back from my potential. He has not only given me the strength and resources to overcome but He also gives me the selfless incentive to overcome for the sake of others, more specifically my precious little angels, Tristen, Tanaya, Kahmea, and Kayleena, and my husband of almost 9 years, Joey.
I've had to learn not to weigh my happiness on their's but instead allow them to be a part of MY happiness.
I pray that I can stay the course and endure to the end. For I know the suffering, the pain, the frustration, and misery will be more than worth it in the end.
"My daughter, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;" (D & C 121:7)
"And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if the fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combined to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my daughter, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.
The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?
Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever." (Doctrine & Covenants 122:7-9)
Unfortunately there comes a time in our lives where we realize how wrong we were.
This realization has turned me into one of those crazy people that say "Bring On The Pain Baby!"
Ya, I know...tell me about. What a stupid thing to wish for! And beleive me, I do feel stupid for wishing for it especially when the pain brings me to my knees and the feeling of hopelessness and helplessness overwhelms me so much that I feel like throwing in the towel and calling it quits. But then a sudden rush of reassurance fills my soul. "I know you can do this" I hear the voice say. And I want so badly to respond "But why? Why can't the pain just go away? Why does it have to hurt so bad?" I find myself in this very situation often and as I feel the warmth of those magical arms embrace me with his love and hold me so close I can feel Him say to me, "I know it hurts Amanda, I know..." and He lets me burry my face in his hands and cry like a baby until the pain subsides enough for me to regain control of my emotions. Then the peace sets in and the pain disappears. It is then I realize where that agonizing pain I felt went to. He not only took that pain from me but He suffered for it too! It is at this moment I'm reminded of the significance His atoning sacrifice is in my life and how insignificant my suffering is to His.
Although I feel inadequate at times, I'm so very humbled that the Lord entrusts me to endure such difficult challenges and beleives in me enough to take the proper steps that will allow myself and others to grow from this rather than allowing it to bring me down and hold me back from my potential. He has not only given me the strength and resources to overcome but He also gives me the selfless incentive to overcome for the sake of others, more specifically my precious little angels, Tristen, Tanaya, Kahmea, and Kayleena, and my husband of almost 9 years, Joey.
I've had to learn not to weigh my happiness on their's but instead allow them to be a part of MY happiness.
I pray that I can stay the course and endure to the end. For I know the suffering, the pain, the frustration, and misery will be more than worth it in the end.
"My daughter, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;" (D & C 121:7)
"And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if the fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combined to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my daughter, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.
The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?
Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever." (Doctrine & Covenants 122:7-9)
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Who Am I?
This past month has been quite challenging yet life-building. I've had the opportunity to really sit back and analyze my life and realize all that I've been blessed with. As a mother, I am honored to be blessed with four beautiful amazing children that not only drive me insane, but give me peace through their sweet spirits and joy through their precious smiles.I have also been blessed to spend 8 1/2 years with a great man that has unknowingly given me numerous opportunities to grow, learn, strengthen and improve myself.
Through this he has enabled my need and desire to seek out peace, love and strength through my amazing and merciful Father in Heaven and my gracious Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Never in my entire life have I been so aware of His precence. Just when I start to lose myself through the challenges thrown my way, He comes in for the steal, saves me, and reminds me who I am. As the peace sets in I feel His power overwhelm my soul and it is times like these that I know I'm in His arms and I'm reminded that I am a jewel in His eyes.
Never before has His promptings been so clear and precise in what direction to take my life. One experience in particular as I was wondering an unfamiliar place as a result from heartache, my heart cried out to Him to not only bring me peace, but to guide me to where I was supposed to be at that moment. As I would approach an intersection I would literally hear the words...left, right, straight, stop and breath, etc. I listened. These directions brought me back to where I started in this unfamiliar place. Why? For this is what I was trying to escape from! I took a deep breath and continued to listen and as He continued to guide me closer to where I didn't want to go, my heart began to drop. He reassured me that He wasn't leaving me and warned me that He'd catch me as soon as I fell. For He knew what was ahead of me.
One thing I've always had in me my entire life is faith. Several times throughout my life I've been asamed of relying so much on faith, but I knew I had to put my faith in Him at this very moment. For I knew one thing for sure...He knew what He was doing. What He led me to surely wasn't anything I wanted, and as I literally fell to the ground in agony I immediately felt His love surround me as He embraced me in His arms and held me as He promised He would.
I was able to pull myself back together and regain control for a small moment. Little did I know I would be continuously throwing myself back into His arms from then on for the days, weeks and maybe months to come. I've lost myself time and again as I've struggled to deal with this challenge put in front of me. But as I continue to reach out to Him I am continuously reminded who I am and what I am capable of.
God gives us so many resources that can help us in our trying times that are always readily available. And although I am truly grateful for these resources and for the help they've given me throughout my life, there is absolutely no resource more valuable than the gift of prayer. Through prayer we are better able to heed to the promptings of His spirit to guide us to Him, because it is only through Him that we can find peace and happiness that so many of us are constantly seeking. I am so grateful for the growth of my relationship with Him and welcome all opportunities, good or bad, that can allow me to improve myself through Him. I've had the opportunity to discover my self-worth and be brave enough to take on the "unknown" through exercising my faith and trust in Him. My ambitions are no longer unreachable and hope still remains for my ultimate dream of salvation and eternal happiness with my precious little family.
God gives us so many resources that can help us in our trying times that are always readily available. And although I am truly grateful for these resources and for the help they've given me throughout my life, there is absolutely no resource more valuable than the gift of prayer. Through prayer we are better able to heed to the promptings of His spirit to guide us to Him, because it is only through Him that we can find peace and happiness that so many of us are constantly seeking. I am so grateful for the growth of my relationship with Him and welcome all opportunities, good or bad, that can allow me to improve myself through Him. I've had the opportunity to discover my self-worth and be brave enough to take on the "unknown" through exercising my faith and trust in Him. My ambitions are no longer unreachable and hope still remains for my ultimate dream of salvation and eternal happiness with my precious little family.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Forgiven
The following song has touched me in so many ways. I just had to share the lyrics
I'm Forgiven
Well the past is playing with my head
and failure knocks me down again
I am reminded of the wrong
that I have said and done
and the devil just won't let me forget
In this life
I know where I've been
But here in your arms
I know what I am
I'm forgiven
I'm forgiven
And I don't have to carry
the weight of who I've been
Cause I'm forgiven
My mistakes are running through my mind
and I'll relive my days, in the middle of the night
when I struggle with my pain, wrestle with my pride
sometimes I feel alone, and I cry
In this life
I know what I've been
But here in your arms
I know who I am
I'm forgiven
When I don't fit in and I don't feel like I belong anywhere
when I don't measure up to much in this life
Oh, I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ
I'm Forgiven
Well the past is playing with my head
and failure knocks me down again
I am reminded of the wrong
that I have said and done
and the devil just won't let me forget
In this life
I know where I've been
But here in your arms
I know what I am
I'm forgiven
I'm forgiven
And I don't have to carry
the weight of who I've been
Cause I'm forgiven
My mistakes are running through my mind
and I'll relive my days, in the middle of the night
when I struggle with my pain, wrestle with my pride
sometimes I feel alone, and I cry
In this life
I know what I've been
But here in your arms
I know who I am
I'm forgiven
When I don't fit in and I don't feel like I belong anywhere
when I don't measure up to much in this life
Oh, I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Trials and Blessings
The days have really drug on this past week. I'm still lovesick....But nothing but
Joey can fix that...but for now I'm hanging in there.
I'm so fortunate to have such a wonderful supportive mother-in-law during these difficult times in my life. She has been very supportive and kind in every way. I hear so many horror stories regarding in-laws and am so thankful I have absolutely none to tell. The kids just love her to death. She bends backwards, frontwards, even insideout for us. There is nothing she wouldn't do for us. She truly is a blessing to have in our lives.
I'm going to get a little religious here but for those of you that know me that's just who I am. I am a woman of faith and truly beleive that when you give everything you got, the Lord will always be there to see things through. However there are situations that require more than just my all in order for Him to deliver on His promises to me. When a particular situation requires the cooperation of another individual, things may not turn out as you would like no matter how much you put into it. This person has absolutely no idea how much of an impact this has on so many lives. Unfortunately, there are going to be these people throughout our lives that simply refuse to accept the significance they hold in ones life. They often appear to be cruel, cold-hearted and selfish and refuse to acknowledge that they are infact displaying these characteristics. They sometimes choose materialistics things over the more important things in life. And sometimes they honestly feel that they are being self-less in their actions and make excuses that they feel condone their reasoning and decisions. They don't mean to be this way....they just don't know any better. They are blinded by greed insisting that they are doing what they are doing for the better good of those around them. What they don't realize is that absolutely none of the things that they are aspiring for are needed or even wanted by those that are supposed to benefit from this persons decisions. What these people need is so very simple. They just need that person.....nothing more, nothing less.
Lesson being taught from this example is for all of us to be grateful for the smaller things in life. If we are but humble and enjoy the important things in life, like family and God, we will not only be showered with many blessings from the Lord, but we will come to know true happiness by which no career, no amount of money, and absolutely no materialistic thing can ever bring alone. Yes these things are nice and its not a sin to enjoy these great blessings. But if we forget why we aspired for them and fail to recognize and give credit the Man upstairs for all of it, then we really don't deserve any of it. And in most cases the Lord will cease to bless us until we are humbled and mindful of Him. Most importantly, we must always remember, if we can't take it with us when we leave this earth, then what good is it if it is all we have in the end.
Joey can fix that...but for now I'm hanging in there.
I'm so fortunate to have such a wonderful supportive mother-in-law during these difficult times in my life. She has been very supportive and kind in every way. I hear so many horror stories regarding in-laws and am so thankful I have absolutely none to tell. The kids just love her to death. She bends backwards, frontwards, even insideout for us. There is nothing she wouldn't do for us. She truly is a blessing to have in our lives.
I'm going to get a little religious here but for those of you that know me that's just who I am. I am a woman of faith and truly beleive that when you give everything you got, the Lord will always be there to see things through. However there are situations that require more than just my all in order for Him to deliver on His promises to me. When a particular situation requires the cooperation of another individual, things may not turn out as you would like no matter how much you put into it. This person has absolutely no idea how much of an impact this has on so many lives. Unfortunately, there are going to be these people throughout our lives that simply refuse to accept the significance they hold in ones life. They often appear to be cruel, cold-hearted and selfish and refuse to acknowledge that they are infact displaying these characteristics. They sometimes choose materialistics things over the more important things in life. And sometimes they honestly feel that they are being self-less in their actions and make excuses that they feel condone their reasoning and decisions. They don't mean to be this way....they just don't know any better. They are blinded by greed insisting that they are doing what they are doing for the better good of those around them. What they don't realize is that absolutely none of the things that they are aspiring for are needed or even wanted by those that are supposed to benefit from this persons decisions. What these people need is so very simple. They just need that person.....nothing more, nothing less.
Lesson being taught from this example is for all of us to be grateful for the smaller things in life. If we are but humble and enjoy the important things in life, like family and God, we will not only be showered with many blessings from the Lord, but we will come to know true happiness by which no career, no amount of money, and absolutely no materialistic thing can ever bring alone. Yes these things are nice and its not a sin to enjoy these great blessings. But if we forget why we aspired for them and fail to recognize and give credit the Man upstairs for all of it, then we really don't deserve any of it. And in most cases the Lord will cease to bless us until we are humbled and mindful of Him. Most importantly, we must always remember, if we can't take it with us when we leave this earth, then what good is it if it is all we have in the end.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
The Pathetically Lovesick Wife!
"I've done this before" I thought to myself as he pulled me in his arms, held me tight and kissed my forehead. He let me go and he walked back into the small airport as I walked in the opposite direction to the car. It'll be just like the Korea deployment only I'll be able to join him a whole lot sooner. Piece of cake!
But as soon as I climbed into the driver's seat of the van and shut the door it hit like a ton of bricks. I took a deep breath, backed out of the parking space, and headed toward the exit. I wasn't prepared for this. I honestly had no idea the emotions would hit so hard. It's like a piece of my heart disappeared.
I pushed through the day, picked the kids up from moms, went to church and headed back home. As I walked in the door it felt so different. It didn't even feel like a home. It was so empty...............so lonely. It's amazing how just one person completes a home.
I try to keep my head up as I push through the days following my normal everyday schedule.....and some.......
But here I am two weeks later and still lonely as ever. I feel so fragile................so weak...........but then I look up and see the beautiful blessings he has given me.
Four amazing children!!!!
A part of him remains in the home.................
Or four parts of him for that matter..................
They bring so much joy to my life!
but I still yearn for his touch........
his scent..........his voice......
Oh what I wouldn't do to have him close right now.....
But as soon as I climbed into the driver's seat of the van and shut the door it hit like a ton of bricks. I took a deep breath, backed out of the parking space, and headed toward the exit. I wasn't prepared for this. I honestly had no idea the emotions would hit so hard. It's like a piece of my heart disappeared.
I pushed through the day, picked the kids up from moms, went to church and headed back home. As I walked in the door it felt so different. It didn't even feel like a home. It was so empty...............so lonely. It's amazing how just one person completes a home.
I try to keep my head up as I push through the days following my normal everyday schedule.....and some.......
But here I am two weeks later and still lonely as ever. I feel so fragile................so weak...........but then I look up and see the beautiful blessings he has given me.
Four amazing children!!!!
A part of him remains in the home.................
Or four parts of him for that matter..................
They bring so much joy to my life!
but I still yearn for his touch........
his scent..........his voice......
Oh what I wouldn't do to have him close right now.....
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